The Valero Verdict: Pet Sematary

Welcome to another edition of the “The Valero Verdict” movie review. In this I will give you a quick movie review with a couple of bullet points of which I either liked or disliked. I will end the review with rating of the movie and a short overall thoughts.

On the docket today, Pet Sematary. The remake of 1989 Horror film based on a book by Stephen King.

look at that thing, it’s terrifying looking.
  • The only thing remotely scary about this film was the cat, I mean just look at it. If you stare at that picture long enough, the cat takes your soul.
  • Jason Clarke is an amazing actor. The ONLY thing about this film that was good was him. He is one of the best actors in Hollywood and it showed in this film. He’s emotion is so raw in this film, you just felt everything that he felt throughout the entire film.
  • They somehow managed to make a 1 hour and 41 minute run time feel like 3 hours. The 3rd act dragged out and it was so uninteresting at that.
  • THE BACK OF SEMI-TRUCK HIT A KID AND THE KID DIDN’T EVEN HAVE A MARK ON THEM. (sorry for yelling)
  • We’ve made 1.3 trillion (don’t fact check me) Horror movies, can people stop going into random dark rooms? or can they stop locking themselves in rooms? That would be just great.
  • Best quote in this movie: “Good thing your no fucking vet.”

The Verdict:

* out of ***** stars

This just wasn’t a good movie, not even Jason Clarke’s phenomenal performance could save this movie. Lithgow was good in it, but outside of that, predictable, not scary (Minus that Cat that is going to give me nightmares forever), and dragged out 3rd act, this was another remake we did not need.

Should You See It?: Absolutely not. I’ve really debated what movie was worse, this or Dumbo. I would pay to see Dumbo fight the cat from this, I would lay AT LEAST $20 on the cat. That in itself would be more entertaining than both of these trash movies.

Tell me what you thought of the movie, hit me up on here or talk to me on Twitter @RickyValero_

Advertisements

Thinking Out Loud: Serenity

So I went to the theaters to see Serenity, it’s been a little while that a movie has had such drastic differences in opinion, either people liked the film or they hated it.

I decided to have a little fun with this review and jotted my thoughts down as stuff transpired during the movie, it was more of a running blog. I will share my thoughts throughout the film as I saw it and my overall review of the film will be at the bottom.

THIS IS HEAVY ON THE SPOILERS, so if you want to just see the review scroll on down to the bottom or check out my review here: https://letterboxd.com/rickygangster/film/serenity-2019/

Off we go!!!!!!!

Matthew McConaughey voice has really become the same on every movie 

McConaughey takes his fishing way too seriously. Pulling knifes on these guys.

Suit guy just took off his dress shoes to walk into about 3 foot deep of water. 

Oh, well hello Diane Lane

Her cat is missing, please someone call John Wick, or does he only care about dogs? 

So wait, he’s hooked this tuna 4 times since New Year (don’t know time frame) but that seems like an awful big letdown? McConaughey has been friend zone by this tuna and he doesn’t even realize it.

McConaughey just fired his buddy and blamed not catching this fish on his dead wife, that’s brutal.

Well Hello Blonde Anne Hathaway.
 
McConaughey didn’t show up to his high school reunion? What? Really? No way? Doesn’t know what Facebook is.

Frank doesn’t seem like a swell guy

Oh snap, Anne had McConaughey baby? Son looks like neither one of them? That’s weird. 

Hathaway is hiring baby daddy to kill the husband? 10 million cash? Sweet. 

So wait, he lives in a he lives in a ship container? That’s kind of cool, also takes showers in the ocean? That doesn’t seem fun. 

I have seen a whole lots of McConaughey butt in the last few minutes.

Now I have seen his package, and he is underwater and is seeing things. 

What in the world is happening? He is running the table that has water in it, and he’s kid is too, they are talking to each other.

This is getting weird. 

Hello Jason Clarke!!!!!!! I love this guy!!!!! 

Naked Anne Hathaway.

Clarke is analyzing her body, dissecting scratches, yikes. He’s a dick.

These recliner seats with seat warmers are rather comfy. 

Wow, he beat her with his hands and the belt for an hour and half, wow, yikes. Clark is really a dick. 

Well that was a fun first exchange between Clark and McConaughey, it was intense, spot on, the right amount of words were said, the acting was perfect, and the point was made. 

Lane is a tad jealous of Hathaway. 

Hounsou is a solid actor, he is a perfect supporting actor. 

Wait the son hears him through his computer? Wait what? Again. Weird. 

Side note: fishing doesn’t look fun, my uncle rocky took my when I was a kid, I enjoyed it at that time but now? Nope. I’m good. Plus I don’t eat fish, so why fish? Right?

Clarke is such an amazing villain. Just the mannerisms, the voice, I just love every single thing he does in these types of roles. Very Gatsby like here. 

If I didn’t find a way to catch fish all day, I would kill you. 

Again intense scene between the two, Clarke plays the asshole, talking about his son, not knowing it’s his son, being just a straight dick, and McConaughey using very little words. 

Hathaway is playing a nice damsel and distressed. 

Damn, McConaughey took the bait, him seeing the welts on her back, yikes. 

Hathaway is fucking nuts, I mean who didn’t see these two eventually getting it on. More McConaughey butt. 

Strange briefcase dude has finally caught up with McConaughey, at 2:30 in the morning. 

So wait, this guy is selling him a fish finder at 2:30 in the morning? Shits fishy. (see what I did there) 

This escalated quickly!!!! Weird dude knows everything. Wtf? It’s a game? He’s son made a game with him in it? Holy shit, this just got twisted. 

Wait was that a dream? The hell? 

Welp, one big map, with just that island on it. This is a big mind ****. 

Are these the same fields from Signs? 

So now McConaughey thinks it’s a game, but it might not be a game, but it might be a game.

If you are reading this, I am just as confused as you are. 

What light goes Red, Yellow, Green? Is that a real thing? 

Wait Clarke got his ass kicked, best buddy Duke saved the day!!!!! What kind of name is Baker Dill anyway?

This movie is twisted. This is how I like my thrillers. Still don’t know what they hell is going on.

Oooooo back to the Signs fields are back.

Hathaway is a nuts, she’s absolutely nuts. 

I love the fact this Reid Miller guy shows up in a suit and tie but refuses to get his dress shoes dirty.

McConaughey became a much better driver in a span of 5 minutes. 

BIG TUNA IS BACK… WARNING BIG TUNA IS BACK

Holy shit this movie is deep, this kid created the game to have the balls to kill his abusive step dad holy shit.

My god, I love this movie. 

And now he changed the game so he can be with his dad, no you’re crying. 

Just spoke to a lady walking out, she put it really good, “that’s one you are going to have to ponder for a while” 

Overall Thoughts:

**** out of ***** stars

I am completely and utterly blown away by what I just witnessed.

The pace of the movie was spot on, I felt every act and every sequence came at the right time. You were left guessing for quite awhile but you were left enough throughout to nibble on.

Several twist including the big one, that was a really turning point in the film that I really loved and honestly didn’t really see coming.

I will say the writing in this, man its deep. And to be honest you wonder if this comes from a place that hits at home. But this movie is absolutely crazy, and crazy for all the right reasons,

The acting was just perfect.

Clarke (who will one day play in a movie I write), he is one of my favorite actor that always brings his A game to the table. 

McConaughey and Hathaway both were really strong in their roles.
The rest of the cast, Hounsou, Lane and Strong were all spot on and all played their roles.

Go into this film with an open mind. Just do it. It’s a top notch thriller that keeps you on the edge of your seat.